Duty and Honor
by Brainlock
Summary: Matt's thoughts upon what he does and what he's forced to do during 3.24-25, a few BTS to what is happening.


**HEROES: Duty and Honor**

Disclaimer - I own nothing. Lifted some script lines from 3.24, "I am Sylar" and 3.25, "An Invisible Thread".

Setting: set between the final episodes of v4, Matt Parkman's thoughts set him down a path he doesn't like.

-

**63 Varna Ave, Los Angeles, CA**

"Wow. Nice room," Matt said to his son as he gave Janice's place a once over, checking it out. He looked back to his namesake. "You know, I know what you're thinking, and I can't," he voiced the dark thought that crossed his mind. "I can't just put a whammy on Mommy, make her forget everything and forgive me," he said. "No, I can't do that. 'Cause we can't use our powers on unsuspecting people."

He heard her in his mind before he could turn and see her run in. Matthew reached for his Mommy.

She opened the door, breathlessly exclaiming, "Oh thank god. Thank god! Hi. Hi." as she took her son from his father. "Thank you for bringing him back," she greeted her ex-husband.

"Yeah. What?" he shrugged as if it were nothing. "Come on, He's...He's really a great kid."

She kissed her son's forehead, glad to have him back in her arms again, then turned to his father. "It's good to see you," she said trying not to be as awkward as he was being.

"Yeah. You, too." Old emotions fought to surface in both of them. He leaned forward and kissed their son's head. She thought he meant to hug them. Her. He picked up the thought and gave in. What could it hurt, right?

One arm around her, the other helping cradle their son, he looked down at them. She clung to him for safety, for security. Their baby boy content for the moment in his parent's embrace. _This is nice_, he thought, letting a small smile curl the corner of his lip. _Why can't I have this life again? This is all I ever wanted with Daphne, Molly...and Daniella. We had a chance at that, until.... _He grimaced at the thought of that future life that short, bald bastard Danko had taken from him.

Suddenly, he heard something and looked away.

"What is it?" she asked.

He shushed her and reached his mind out to listen. "We're being watched. I can hear them. There's a van down the street filled with agents," he explained. "I can hold them off for now, but I got to get you two out of here."

"My folks' summer house at the lake," she offered after a moment. "We should be okay there for a few days."

"Good, good. You pack, I'll watch Matty," he urged her again as he took the child. He didn't even realize he automatically used his father's childhood nickname for him for their son.

"What about you?" she asked.

He was put off by her concern for a moment. "I mean, I could come, too. I just...I know. That's crazy," he stammered as he knew what he really meant to say. "But Janice, I'm his father and I want to be a part of his life."

She took this in for a moment. "We have a lot to talk about." He nodded as she went to pack.

He began looking around for something she might need. Everything familiar, but strange in this new home. He put his son in the crib for a minute so he could look around for something, but what? Then he opened the desk drawer and a glint of gold metal caught his eye. His old LAPD badge, 2150. She had kept it?

"To Protect and Serve," he muttered under his breath. "I haven't done much of either lately, have I?" he asked himself. He knew that he had been ready to throw his life away mere days ago because he had felt lost without Daphne and a child that now would never exist.

Hiro Nakamura had saved him literally at the last second. Given him a reason to live again. Given him a son. "This kid is a game changer," he had told the two Japanese men. Now, he knew he had another chance to protect those he loved. But he couldn't do that by hiding away from the world. No, he had to return to Washington, DC and make these people call off their hunt in person. Not just for himself, but for Matthew, Daphne, Hiro, Molly, and everyone else they had hurt.

Janice called from the other room. "Matt, did you find his pacifier? Matt?" she asked before coming into the room. "Okay, ready," she said, setting down the bags. Then saw what Matt was holding.

"I'm so sorry, Janice. I can't go with you."

_I knew it, So typical, Matt_, she thought. "why not?"

"Because," he began, fishing for the words. "This is perfect. This house. Our boy. You," he told her. He could see her disbelief growing. "This is everything that I've been searching for," he explained. "And maybe I didn't even realize it, but Hiro was right. I-I have to go back, I have to face them, and I have to end this, or we can never have a life together."

She stepped up to him, asking, "You want a life together?"

He found himself tongue-tied for a moment, suddenly afraid to say 'yes' (because of Daphne?) before finally blurting out, "I don't know. Maybe," he nodded. "But I know that I want a chance to get to know you again and I'm gonna fight to make that happen," he said determinedly.

Tears came to her eyes as she understood. She reached to hug him. Being the wife of a cop meant you had to accept things like this. The Job often took precedence to everything else in your life, including family.

He suddenly turned his head. "Oh god, they're coming." They ran into Matt's nursery, grabbing their son. "Come here, buddy. Here you go," he said, picking up the child.

They could heard the radio chatter nearby. _Totally rookie mistake, morons_, Matt thought.

"Matt, they're in the back," she cried. "We're surrounded."

"It's okay," he repeated, trying to calm her and keep their son from crying. "Just stay close to me, okay? I'll protect us."

The door was kicked in and armed men entered as Matt drew his family close. he made the intruders ignore the three of them huddled in the middle of the room. They heard no sound, no out of place shadows, nothing out of the ordinary. Not even her bags she had packed. As soon as they had passed through, he nodded to the corner and they moved there, out of the way as the soldiers moved through Janice's new home.

He looked over to the men prowling the place. Time for them to leave. _"You found nothing here. No sign of anyone being here. No clues as to where they went. Pull back, time to leave. You failed your duty."_

Duty. The word stuck in his mind for a second. He looked down at Janice and little Matthew again. He had abandoned his duty to them. He knew he now had another chance to make it up to them.

They waited until all the men had left before they finally left the corner.

"That was close," Janice said with a sigh of relief. Matthew gurgled in seeming agreement.

"Go grab your bags, I'm getting you out of here, it isn't safe," he told her as he started to pull away. He had to make sure the goon squad was gone so they could leave.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?" he answered distractedly.

_Iloveyou!_ came the rushed thought, when she actually said, "Thank you."

He looked back at her in surprise and nodded. _I have something worth fighting for, now_, he thought. _You._

-

**Washington, DC**

Angela had met him at the bus stop, pleaded with him to help Nathan. Made him realize they had the same goal. Made him come with her.

Matt used his powers to get them to Nathan. He entered the suite first, and froze in his tracks. He saw Nathan slumped in a chair, eyes open, his throat and clothes bloody. "You don't want to see this," he warned, trying to stop Angela as she pushed past him. They were too late. There was nothing they could do to stop Danko from capturing and probably killing them all, now. His thoughts went to his son, what would happen to him, now.

Her anguished screams broke his stunned reverie. She knelt and cradled her firstborn's limp body. "I don't understand," she shuddered. "My dream. You were supposed to save him," she cried. Matt had no answer.

She pulled herself together. Matt mumbled his condolences, but she brushed him off and pulled out her cell. The Ice Queen once more, she spoke into the phone, "Noah, you need to get up here, right now. Alone. Don't let Claire or Peter come with you."

Noah seemed to take his time getting back to them. He called Angela and asked Matt to come down and help him. They brought Sylar's unconscious body into the suite, laying him down near the now-covered body of his last victim, Nathan.

Matt protested as Noah explained to him what they wanted him to do, convincing him he was fully capable of the task.

Matt wasn't so sure, but he knew the consequences if he failed. Angela played the final card.

"You're son, Mr. Parkman. You just wanted to protect him. Can you honestly tell me that if something happened to him, you wouldn't do anything, _anything_, to keep him in your life?" she explained. "I can't lose Nathan. Not like this. I'm begging you."

He looked to Bennet, who gave him the "You know she's right" look. He hesitated then went to Sylar. The man who had killed Molly's parents, Mohinder's father, nearly killed Mohinder and Peter. Killed Nathan in this very room.

He steeled himself and leaned over the body, grabbed him by the neck. _"You're no longer Sylar. No longer Gabriel Gray," _he commanded. _"That life is over. Sylar's dead." _He could feel memories peeling away as he repeated himself. _"You're now Nathan Petrelli. Nathan Petrelli, son, brother, father. Senator Nathan Petrelli." _

The words repeated in his head, forcing them into the mind of the prone body before him. Sylar gasped, jerked up, shuddered. Matt and Angela jumped back in surprise. They watched him convulsing. Sylar rolled away from them, Nathan turned back to face them.

"Ma?" he asked.

Matt knew he could see the worry and concern on all of their faces. He just didn't know who it was really for.

Matt felt his stomach lurch, but forced it back down. _I did it for Angela. For Nathan, Claire, Peter, and for everyone else like us. For Matthew. I did it so we could have a chance at stopping this mess_, he told himself. He knew it was a lie. He looked away and right into Noah Bennet's cold gaze. The sour taste returned to his mouth. Bennet said something about having the situation of Sylar's body covered. Matt didn't care at this point, he left the room without saying another word.

Angela had asked them all to come to Sylar's funeral, for closure. Some place in Arizona called Coyote Sands where they would cremate his remains. When Matt balked, Mohinder and Peter contacted him and asked him to come. It was only when Peter handed his phone to Claire that he relented.

Matt thought he could apologize to her in person for what he had done to her father. Noah got to him first, warned him again of the consequences if anyone else knew the truth about what Matt had done that day. _What I was forced to do_, Matt convinced himself. _What you _made_ me do, Bennet._

Matt gave Nathan a cursory mental peek as they greeted each other. No sign of Sylar's thoughts. It was all Nathan, all the time. He wondered how long it would last as Nathan informed him his 'terrorist' days were over, he had talked things over with the President, explaining Danko's trickery. It had helped that he was a cop and had been at Nathan's side in Odessa when he had been shot.

Matt nodded in understanding, muttering his thanks. He really didn't want to be here. _If I mourn for anyone tonight, it's you, Nathan_, he thought even as memories of the brief time he shared with Daphne and the lost opportunities they could have had slowly filtered in.

Matt was surprised to see Hiro and Ando there, but didn't ask why. He guessed they had their own dealings with Sylar and wanted closure as well. He briefly recalled Peter had mentioned Hiro had been at Kirby Plaza before disappearing. Hiro didn't look well, he had seemed strained when the duo presented him with his son and even more so now. They asked after Baby Matt, and he assured them he was safe back with his mother. Matt wasn't surprised when they were the first to leave the pyre.

He didn't really talk to anyone while they were there. Most of them knew he was one of the first to deal with Sylar the Serial Killer because of what he had done to Molly and her family. Mainly for that reason they left him alone. (That was another thing, where had Mohinder stashed her away? They would have to talk about that soon, but not tonight.)

Mohinder talked to him briefly as they stood watching the body burn. "I'm glad the nightmare is finally over. That my father and so many others are now avenged."

Matt gave a curt but grim nod and locked eyes with Bennet across the fire. He was as disgusted with him as he was with himself for doing what he did, but it was for the 'greater good'.

He glanced at Angela. Is that what she and his father, all the other Founders, had told themselves? What they were doing was for the 'greater good'? Or was it for their _own_ good?

He would have to ask her about that later. No reason to argue about that now, not here in front of everyone. He wished he had the chance to talk to his father about it, but he was gone now, too. Killed in front of Daphne simply because Arthur Petrelli wanted to make a point. She had showed him his father's last moments were arguing for his son's safety. His safety. _I guess I know how Mohinder feels, _he mused. _Both of our father's murderers were killed before we could bring them to proper justice._

Matt shrugged this off as Mohinder patted him on the shoulder and left the pyre, shaking Peter's hand. Matt soon followed, shaking his head in disgust at Bennet. He couldn't stand here knowing that the body wasn't really who everyone thought he was. Only Bennet knew and he wasn't telling. The man they thought they were rid of stood with the rest of his "family", even though Matt had caught the moment Angela had shied away from his touch. He glanced back to see her with her two sons standing vigil.

He wondered how long this charade would last. How long until some small part of Sylar he missed remained and showed itself. What he had done was a psychic lobotomy in rushed circumstances. He had the basic idea down, but he knew he could have missed something. Something that would eventually be the downfall of them all.

Angela had said something about his ability would "fill in the gaps." Nathan could only fly, so she must have been referring to one of Sylar's stolen abilities. If she thought he would keep that one, then what about the rest?

He felt himself shudder at the thought of when that would come. No, best not to think about it.

You have a son to see and a marriage to repair. What happens after this will have to wait for another day.

He silently prayed that he wouldn't have to abandon his own son as he was abandoned by his father. Let that cycle end.

_Lord...Nathan, forgive me for what I have done. Amen._


End file.
